She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
