May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
