Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
