im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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