Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
