i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
