he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had sex on a roof
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize