I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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