I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
