i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Found your dick twin last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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