its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
