Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you still have your period?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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