I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
