My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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