Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
