I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
