i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
