I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
