how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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