Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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