Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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