I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
