I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize