please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
