I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
