Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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