you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize