I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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