If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
