Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
