I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
only you would photoshop your dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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