I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
