Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
