Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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