just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have fence marks all over my body
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
