i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
