omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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