i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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