Swine flu is the new snow day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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