At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
