Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
