I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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