The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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