My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
