Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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