Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
