dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
