Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
