Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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