I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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