respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
