he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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