I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
