If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
