matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
