Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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