I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
