last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
