My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
