You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she looked like the before picture.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
