He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just had sex on a roof
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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