i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
