I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
