She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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