Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
