Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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