She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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