Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Welp...herpes.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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