i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
