theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
