Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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