OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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