If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
