hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When are your genitals available?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
