hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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