After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize