Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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