You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
