there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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