yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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