I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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