I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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