what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
