Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
