so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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