I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
