it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
