so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize