it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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