I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
