Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
