these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
