And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
