hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
