so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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