I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
