You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
